so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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