I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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