Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
