I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize