I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Girls should come with a carfax report
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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