I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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