She said her name was "party"
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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