hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
