i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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