Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
