literally had 100 drinks last night.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
