I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
