I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i came on her dog
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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