Well apparently he's into motor boating.
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I feel like abortions should bother me more
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You're a waste of cheezeits
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
