How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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