I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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