Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize