i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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