he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Randomize
