He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
