She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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