I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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