he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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