Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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