it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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