Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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