Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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