pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
