It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
