Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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