Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
