just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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