Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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