Umm I'm too high to move.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
