i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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