He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
