So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
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