"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
