I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
