DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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