I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
