Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
