it wasn't lemon gatorade
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
