Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
