id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
