so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
