just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
