Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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