I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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