I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
bring money and cleavage
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
