i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
