i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My vagina is officially offended.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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