like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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