Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
