when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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