I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Yo dont text me then not text me
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
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