It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
