Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
