Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
