so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
