So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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