Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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