I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
