So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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