so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I think I am morally bankrupt
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I enjoy the company of your penis
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
