Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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