that's an acceptable place to lick
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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