Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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