chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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