there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
