yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I touched a dick in church today
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
