he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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