dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
