Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
